she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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