he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
