well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
