dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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