he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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