thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
