Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
