just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
