dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
