I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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