i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
