since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
