ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
