i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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