Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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