I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
