How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
