It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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