Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
