I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
