i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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