I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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