He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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