i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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