just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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