i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
