I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
