I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
