thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
