Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
