Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
