and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
