No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
