I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
