I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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