On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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