do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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