We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
