Pregnant stripper...not hot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
