Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
