You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
