Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
