I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
