just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
