He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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