Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
