im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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