Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Terrible idea I love it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
