Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
