I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
