Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
