Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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