I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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