please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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