Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He felt like a one man threesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
