she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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