I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
