nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
