how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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