We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This girl is more easily done than said...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
