New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
