Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
