Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
