if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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