now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
