i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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