woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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