My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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