dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drake has all the answers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
