Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
