I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
