Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
