i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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