I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
