fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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