can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
