I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
