i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
