I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
