yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
