I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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