I like my sex mixed with concussions.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
