??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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