I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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