last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well you can't waste a boner
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize