I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
