So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
