were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize