$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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