I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
