She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
