Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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