Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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