She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize